Who Is Your Secret Self?

I want to be a biker chick.

Imagine focusing on fun more than on small worries. Not sweating the small stuff. Sunshine at your back, wind in your face. Leaning into mountainside turns, tearing up the road.

Having all that moxie! 

Instead, I have spent much of my life trying to perform. Saying the right thing. Doing what's responsible. Being a good girl. 

It's exhausting. 

My mother taught me never to swear. Or to spit in public. Or to chew gum with my mouth open. Or to put my elbows on the table. Needless to say, tattoos are out of the question.

Instead of sporting ink, I have tendonitis from using a computer mouse and from too much tennis. 

Or, maybe it's from trying to strong arm my way through life instead of being more of a free spirit. 

What could I do instead?

Quit my job, throw on a leather jacket and some Ray-Bans, tie back my hair, and speed across the country not giving a $*#& what people think about me.

That’s my secret self. Biker chick.

What is yours?

In a coaching training I participated in about five years ago, the group dubbed this my secret self. In that exercise, we took turns exploring each person’s energy—the aspects that lie deep within, but that are still there. We would talk it through, and then suggest a name for that secret self for each person. And we'd test it, to make sure it resonated.

When we hit on the right one, the person usually lit up with a knowing grin, and we could see that that secret self somehow hit home.

It could be Movie Star. Wallflower. Standup Comic. Preacher. Disco Dancer. Hippie. 

Once we identified our secret self, the discovery took off from there. 

We were told that to bring our secret selves forward, we could find an image of it. A meme. An avatar. A figurine that represents it. And keep to that on our desk or where we could see it.

You can also experiment calling on that energy before going into a meeting. Put on a new jacket or pair of boots that brings that part of you out. Practice using that sensibility. Play with that language when talking with others. (I recently texted my friend to shut up, half joking, and then told her that was my biker chick.)

Playing with a secret self is a great way to expand your range as a human being.

For example, imagine you are an actuary or a controller for your day job. In that case, it may be working with your Flower Child. Or if you have an engineer brain, you might bring out your Poet. Perhaps your personality is a bit flaky, and you are a Free Spirit—your secret self might be Architect.  

The idea is that each of us have many, many dimensions to our complex selves. We can tend to lead with those that are most familiar and comfortable—even those that keep us most safe. But we all have access to other key parts—and sometimes, tapping into the most secret self is where our true magic lies. 

If you aren’t sure what yours might be, ask some of your friends or family to help. You can ask, “When you think of me, what parts of my personality don’t I show very often, but that you know are there?” And “What kind of person or archetype might I be deep down?”

Maybe you are a CEO in your day job. But your secret self might be a Monk. There's a part of you that is its most expansive when you are NOT working the room, but instead when you are fading into the background, mindful and quiet. 

French novelist André Malraux once said, “[A person] is not what he thinks he is, he is what he hides.”

What energy is hidden at some deeper level of you?

If there is more of you hidden than who you show, who is that hidden self? What version of yourself might give you more range and more possibility?

Bring that baby on.

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