What Is Your Compelling Question?

Mark Nepo once asked a thoughtful question in Spirituality and Health magazine.

And that was: "What is one question your life has centered around"? 

In other words, What is a question that seems to follow you in life that you just don’t seem to get an answer to?

For example, it might be: “What is my purpose in life”?

Or “What legacy do I want to leave behind”?

This kind of question may even seem to have been with us for a long time. Such a question may even feel as if we were born with it.

The minute I read Nepo’s article, I knew my answer.

It was: Will I have enough time?

That’s my life-centering question.

By this, I don’t mean will I have enough time to finish this PowerPoint, or enough time to do yoga today, or enough time to take a lunch break from Zoom meetings. I actually mean, Will I have enough time on the planet?

I feel as if I came into the world with this question. I have always had a funny relationship with time. And even after five decades of wrestling with it, I am still on the mat.

When working with groups on strengthening their team culture, I often ask participants what inner role they each play on the team. Are they the cheerleader? The pragmatic one? The naysayer? The mom of the group?

Not surprisingly, I’m the timekeeper.

I’m the one in my house who says, “We need to leave at 11:45 if we want to be there on time.” Or “There’s no way we have time to go to the dump and hang those pictures and get to the grocery store before our friends come over!” Or in a meeting, I’m the one to notice, “We have about ten minutes left, so how might we best wrap up this discussion?” 

I know time. 

It’s kinda my best friend.

It is one of the things that can make me a good facilitator of groups.

But other days, time and I have a love/hate relationship. 

I know time’s intricate moves and its slippery energy. I see how it can stretch and stretch like Elastigirl, and other times, it can dissipate in the blink of an eye and be gone. I see how it can steal a day before I even realize it started. 

But I also know that it can give us a powerful and sweet gift—when it stands still.

A coach friend said that in Mexico where she is from, time is a suggestion.

A suggestion!

If you say you are going to get together at 1:00, it could be 1:00, but it also could be 2:00 or 3:00 or even later.

This is seriously challenging for me. To me, there is little flexibility in how to interpret the clock.

And colleagues often tease me for how fast I move—because I am always aware of time and where we are in it.

But this is where my work is, right?

Mark Nepo suggests regarding the one question your life centers around that it could be Who am I? or What is my purpose? But those are tough questions for most. 

So, I’d suggest choosing an easier one. Perhaps "What would it look like to change my relationship to _______?"

For example, how might I change my relationship to red eyes? (I am a terrible plane sleeper, so I need some work on this.)

Or how might I change my relationship to food? Or to worry? Or how might I change my relationship to what it means to be a parent now that my child is an adult?

It can be a compelling reflection to sit with a compelling life question like this.

What is yours?

And while you consider your question, I will keep working on my time thing.

Don Quixote de la Mancha once said, “Dress me slowly, for I am in a hurry.”

That’s a great mantra for me: Dress me slowly, for I am always in a hurry. 

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