Soften Yourselves Up

I was at a coffee shop getting morning java on a steamy summer day recently.

There were five or six people waiting for mobile orders, and five or six in the analog line. 

The drive-thru was packed, and the workers were frantically dashing about behind the counter. I got in line, but just in case, I filled out a mobile order.

Who knows? I might save four or five minutes that way. I was certain I could use that time toward a more meaningful activity.

 Still, it took a while to get my order. One customer said, loud enough for the workers to hear, “There's a reason I place my order ten minutes ahead of time. I do it so it will be ready when I get here.”

Another woman standing nearby quietly responded, “They are doing their best.”

But then she made the mistake of continuing. 

She added, “I don't know if you have ever been a waitress or a service person...”

That got the attention of the mobile-woman-in-a-hurry. “I have been BOTH a waitress and a service person,” she pronounced. “I know what it's like. It still doesn't mean...”

The first woman now had to interrupt. “Well, you’re not very compassionate.”

To which the mobile-woman-in-a-hurry said loudly, “I AM compassionate!”

This struck me as very funny. 

Have you ever heard yourself shouting something like that, loudly and aggressively? I AM being understanding!!

I know when I’m stressed, I can get my edge on. Especially if it’s when doing something in the necessary, pedestrian world like standing in line, or talking to customer service on the phone. I waited yesterday for 49 minutes just to cancel a same-day flight with Delta. 

I get it.

The other day, I had to cancel a hotel room, and as I was on the phone with them, I asked, “Can you send me an email confirming the cancellation?” 

I was a little suspicious because the confirmation email I had just received from them said, “Plan your stay, Kevin Wigginton,” or something like that. So, I just wanted to make sure they canceled my reservation and not Kevin’s. Poor Kevin might really need the night there.

But her response? She said, “You can just trust me?” with an irritated edge to her voice.

I was a little shocked. And annoyed. I had just explained to her how my confirmation had a random guy’s name on it.

“I have no way of sending a cancellation from the front desk,” she added.

To which I thought, “Hmm. Isn’t that what the front desk does?”

But I didn’t get a chance to say it. She then said, “I'm just messing with you. I'm the night auditor and I'm the person that verifies cancellations. You can trust me.”

The openness and reassurance in her voice changed everything. It turned the conversation totally around.

Okay, night auditor. I trust you!

I love you, night auditor!

I thanked her and hung up.

I heard a beautiful thought on the Déjà Blu podcast recently with Richard Rudd and Robert Grant. Rudd said, ultimately, the greatest leverage of this moment is simply to be gentle with ourselves.

Gentle with ourselves—and with each other.

Rudd had said, “The world is not a difficult place because people hate each other...it's a difficult place because we hate ourselves.”

We can get caught in these moments of irritation by taking something minor in our orbit too seriously. Taking ourselves too seriously.

“Awakening is a series of softenings,” Rudd had added.

Ahh. A series of softenings. That sounds lovely, and so peaceful.

We can all use a little softening. I’ll take some of that. Large decaf, four creams—and a little softening on the side.

What might need to soften in you?

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