Are You Acting, or Are You for Reals?

I once played Merlin in “A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court.” 

Imagine: Grey beard glued to my face, a black sorcerer’s cap, and a cape draping over black shirt and pants. 

My mother had glued silver stars all over the cape and hat.

I was in eighth grade. 

I’m not sure what the drama teacher saw in me for this role. How exactly did I get selected to play this? I don’t remember auditioning for it.

I think I had tried for Guenevere. 

But my best friend got that part. 

She got to be herself, long blond curly hair and all. She got to wear a white hat and didn’t have to glue anything to her face. 

And Guenevere had an affair with Lancelot. (I am not completely certain who played him, but I have a feeling it might have been our friend Lance.)

I don’t know how many lines I had, but I remember it felt like Merlin had an important role. 

Being a magician is good, yes? 

To advise King Arthur!

But I have never excelled at acting. I can remember lines and recite them with some stage presence, but I was always too aware of my audience. 

Too self-conscious. 

Too aware that everyone was watching my every move.

I read once that the best actors don’t layer a role on top of themselves. Instead, they draw upon their own memories and experiences to connect with the character and stretch into some small part that exists inside of themselves.

What part of yourself would you like to stretch more into?

According to family therapist Richard Schwartz, author of No Bad Parts, we all have many parts to ourselves. Schwartz is the creator of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. And he says all of these parts play some kind of role or function in our lives.

We have Protector parts that aim to keep us safe, Exile parts that hold our vulnerabilities and our past hurts, and Firefighter parts that respond to challenges that put our Exiles in danger. 

I know I have a Firefighter within.

That’s the brave part of me that stands up for equity and justice.

I have an adventurous side. An active side—a part that likes to always be on the move. A diplomat side.

I don’t like so much the shy side of me. The perfectionist side. The controlling side.

But if I could choose who I live into more, I would stretch into my magical Merlin. 

I would access his centuries-old wisdom.

Merlin was prophetic. He could shapeshift. That could be fun, right?

I have a tiny Playmobil statue of Willy Wonka that stands on my desk. When I was going through coach training, I identified Willy Wonka as an ally that I’d like to draw on more. He’s magical, humorous, and surprises and delights people. 

Plus, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was one of my favorite books as a kid.

What parts of yourself do you tend to avoid?

What parts might be calling to you quietly, asking for more airtime in your life?

I was on a webinar with Richard Schwartz recently, as he was sharing more about parts work and how to integrate it into coaching. 

And Richard has a colorful piece of art on his wall. You can see it just behind him in the view of his Zoom camera as he speaks. 

It says: “It’s never too late to come home to your Self.”

It’s never too late to come home to your magical Merlin inside.

Who is your version of Merlin?

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